


Klaus and Dave’s Fancy Party

by GlitterFairy_21225



Category: Parks and Recreation, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: At least she’s trying to be, Dave (Umbrella Academy) is Alive, Eudora Patch is Alive, Fluff, Good Sister Allison Hargreeves, Happy Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus writes talking cards, Minor Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Multi, No Apocalypse (Umbrella Academy), Protective Siblings, alot, parks and recreation AU, that goes how you expect, wedding au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 17:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19233490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterFairy_21225/pseuds/GlitterFairy_21225
Summary: A Parks and Recreation Au!Klaus and Dave have never been the kind of people who overthink their future, so one day, a wedding just kinda happens and everyone’s happy! Too bad his sister is kinda a recovering control freak.





	Klaus and Dave’s Fancy Party

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, before starting, I just wanna say that as much as I love the Parks and Recs gang, I will try to make the UA characters as in character as I can. If you want to see the Parks and Recs characters presented in a Parks and Recs episode.... watch the show, it's on Netflix. Where the Umbrella Academy broadcasts.....
> 
> But also Dave is free-range since he got like two lines, I can put as much Andy in him I wants to! 
> 
> Also this is such an Au timeline. I don’t... just, it takes place close enough to season one that Dave is still adjusting to present, and they’re both still recuperating from being train wrecks enough to justify Allison’s concerns. But also far away enough, that Allison can visit her daughter, and Klaus’s powers have advanced enough that Ben can hang out with his siblings with Klaus being at a moderate distance. So.... who knows?
> 
> Oh and Eudora’s alive, because she is.

The family is at a peace they haven’t seen since.... ever. Vanya’s powers are developing evenly, Allison got partial custody of Claire, and is bringing her to New York to visit her family, Ben can interact with his other siblings, Luther is learning to be a better brother, Five found a place that made decent coffee, and Diego hung around, a lot. It’s like they’re an actual family. Though no one really knows what that’s like, except maybe Allison, so they’re just guessing.

In fact, they were having breakfast, and talking at that breakfast, when Klaus bounces in, hand intertwined with Dave’s.

"Okay, so Dave's family is super happy that their presumed dead son slash brother is alive and shi......!” He eyes Claire, Allison fixes a glare on him. “-izzles. So.... we're gonna throw a dinner party, and invite his family, and all our old army buddies, and all my rehab friends who haven't relapsed yet, and we're gonna throw it here! Tonight." Klaus announces. "And you are all cordially invited."

They all stare at him. As he begins handing out invitations. They take them hesitantly. "Oh, look! That's it. There's no more left." He says despite holding one in his hand. Klaus puckers his bottom lip a show of fake sadness.

"Give it to him!" Dave says. Klaus reluctantly hands Luther his invitation.

"You wanna throw a party?" Vanya whispers. " _Here?_ " She looks horrified at the thought, as though their dead father will find out and ground them all.

"Well, Dave's been in 2019 for a whole month, and we wanna do something spectacular." Klaus makes jazz hands. "Plus dinner parties do combine two of our favorite activities. Dinner."

"And parties." Dave finishes.

"It's like if there was a kitten made of waffles. Or if Ben and Diego had a baby. Unfortunately, though such perfect specimens cannot exist in this imperfect world." Klaus sighs.

They all stare at him again, trying to find a response. Finally Luther speaks up.

"You're not inviting your ex-junkie friends here!" Luther shakes his head.

"Ex-junkie!" Klaus shoots back. "And a few rehab workers. Besides, if being an ex-addict means we shouldn't invite them to things, I guess I shouldn't go! Great, Luther, now there's gonna be a party thrown by me, for my lover, and I'm the only one not gonna be there! What sense does that make?"

At Luther's stunned expression, he continues. "Now, your invitations include requests for each of you to bring stuff. Be there. Or I'll never forgive you." He warns over-dramatically as he and Dave leave. Vanya looks at her invitation.

"'Dear Vanya, please bring cat pictures.'"

"'Please bring cooked stake.'" Five reads.

"Please bring fifty-eight sticks of licorice." Diego reads before stating what they all knew. “This is ridiculous.”

" _He's_ Klaus. _He's_ someone who Klaus would fall in love with. They're in love. They're ready to show it to the world! It's very sweet." Allison says fondly. It warmed her heart to think that Klaus of all people would be the first to find a soulmate. She hopes Harold Jenkins is burning. "And we're all going and we're all doing what they say."

"What?" Five complains. "It's date night with Dolores. Frankly, I don't want to spend it with family."

XXX

The party isn't anything like Klaus had attended during the majority of his twenties, but still large enough to get his siblings nervous.

Diego is standing guard as a reluctant bouncer, making sure none of Klaus's friends brought any type of drug into their home. It‘s not a position Diego particularly _wanted_ to be in, but no one else was going to do it.

Vanya walks up to him. "Hey, uh, Klaus's friend Orin is here. Kinda. He's... uh- you know, very intense and.... very weird." They all turn to look at a skinny pale looking man looming across the street, just kinda staring at them. "So if he tries to come in.... let him, but if you end up talking to him, don't reveal anything personal about yourself. Okay?" She says weakly. Diego nods and she scurries off, desperate to escape Orin's sight.

Another guest shows up with a plastic bag in hand and Diego stiffens but quickly tries to pretend to be casual.

"Eudora!" He says surprised. "I didn't know you were coming!"

"Well, Klaus is very grateful that I gave him an out to take those psycho's time machine, so...." Eudora rolls her eyes. "Uh, I was told to bring _'Titanic'_ and fifty pairs of 3D glasses?" She holds up the bag.

"Right, that's... that's...."

"Are you the bouncer... at your own brother's party?"

"There is a party in the ex-headquarters of the Umbrella Academy." Diego points out. "Klaus just wants to let every single person in, but no one is risking a relapse."

"You should hire a professional then."

"That's... that's probably a good idea."

"I should probably go in. Chuck's in there somewhere with two gallons of sprite." He nods and steps to the side, letting her enter. Diego hates being the bouncer.

XXX

"Dave, I think you should put more food out." Allison advises as she looks through the kitchen for something for Claire to eat.

"I agree! I'm just making these delicious snacks called 'baby bites' right now." He holds up a platter of uncooked hand food to show her.

Klaus steps into the kitchen wearing an extremely oversized trench coat that Allison assumes belongs to Luther. His back is to her, and she doesn’t think he sees her. "Hey. What do you think?" He opens up the buttons, but Allison can't see from where she stands behind him.

Dave immediately covers his face with the platter, and the baby bites fall to the kitchen floor. "Klaus! You're not supposed to let me see you!"

" _No_!" Klaus whines. "This is important! Tell me if I look good." Dave peaks behind the platter. He lowers it all the way and smiles. "Look! Look at my clothes! It is the most beautiful, most perfect, most amazing object you've ever seen?! It is like the Ben Hargreeves of dresses?"

Allison looks at them curiously. "Guys, what's going on?" She says, confusion lacing her voice. Klaus immediately closes the trench coat and turns to her, surprised, having not known that she was there.

"Allycat!" Klaus squeaks and turns all the way to stand next to Dave. He looks to Dave for encouragement, and is given a nod, and turn to her nervously. "Well, we wanted it to be a surprise! But..... tonight me and Dave are getting married." He and Dave stand together, cheeks touching as they smile excitedly. Allison looks on stunned. "To each other!"

"I-I-Is Klaus pregnant? Are you pregnant? Is he pregnant?" Allison blurts out in a daze. "I mean.... I know that that's not biologically plausible, but then again neither are we.... Wouldn't be the weirdest thing."

"Yes, I'm a couple months along."

"What?" Dave asks in low voice.

"Kidding."

"I-uh, are you sick? Are you terminal? Is it like _A Walk to Remember?_ Oh no, I starred in the remake and it won an Oscar. Is this my influence? Is Klaus dying, are you dying?" Allison asks in genuine concern for her brother.

"Yes."

"What?" Dave asks in a low voice.

"Kidding."

"Oh God, why are you doing this?" Allison breathes but catches herself. "Why is this great thing happening?"

"We were hanging out. And suddenly, I was like, what if we got married tomorrow?" Dave explains with a goofy smile.

"When Dave proposed to me, he gave me a ring pop. And we ate it as one.” Klaus shows off his plastic ring, like it's worth a million diamonds. "Isn't it so us!"

"And he was like-" Dave steers back the conversation.

"Abso-toodle-loo-lutsey." Klaus makes jazz hands, nodding to her, as though trying to get her excited as well. "And then we-"

"Not the kinda thing you wanna tell your sister, Baby."

"Sorry."

"That is a great story." Allison says with a stiff smile. "But you two have only just gotten into a groove after a series of life-changing events. This is a party to celebrate Dave _just_ coming to the 21st century. Klaus is adjusting to sobering up. Both of you live with a family that is only living together to figure out how to reconnect." Klaus and Dave both nod and Allison wordlessly copies their movements in a daze, trying to get through to them without Rumoring them. "It seems too soon to leave for a road trip, let alone a honeymoon."

"Dave's been in the present long enough to reap the benefits. Closeness with Dave gives me motivation. And we'll find a place for a honeymoon. Like Disney World, or the Appalachians, or whatever." Klaus shrugs.

"Oh I wanna see the Appalachians!" Dave says excitedly. He and Klaus are holding hands and smile at the thought.

"You can't just go to the Appalachians." Allison points out.

"Right. Disney World."

Allison doesn't know what to do. She loves her brother and Dave as a couple. Dave made her brother less the raging drug addict who only cared about finding his next high, and more like the sweet little boy who would have fashion shows with her and do her hair. But marriages need planning. They can't just jump into something without. She dated Patrick for three years before marriage and she screwed that up beyond repair.

XXX

She runs up to two of her other brothers in the kitchen. "Klaus and Dave are gonna surprise people with a secret wedding ceremony."

Ben sighs, not even shocked, just resigned. "Dammit Klaus, stop trying to be Julia Roberts!"

"Isn’t that the toothy girl from Mystic Pizza?" Five says from a distant memory of Klaus and Allison watching it while he was trying to use the living room for equations as a child.

"Okay, Ben, please knock some sense into Klaus. Please." She begs him.

"Yeah, he only really listens to me half the time, and I'm saving for relapse attempts." Ben shrugs as if giving a halfhearted apology that Allison does not accept.

"Besides, it's not his place. Or yours." Five points out, giving her a knowing look.

"Just-just meet me in the attic in fifteen minutes." Allison fumes but exits the room. _"You're just saying that to get more people off your back about marrying a mannequin."_ She mutters under her breath when she thinks she's far enough from hearing range.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?"

"Nothing!" She runs off.

XXX

"Hi, Diego."

"Eudora!"

"Thought you were the unpaid security?"

"Oh, I'm getting paid." Diego snorts. "But everyone on the former addict list has arrived, so.... how you liking the party?"

"Surprisingly bored for a party thrown by _Klaus_." Eudora replies. "I'm assuming a surprise is in commission."

"And I know what it is."

"What is it?" Eudora says, suddenly interested.

"You'll have to wait and see, Eudora." Diego didn't even think there was an intentional surprise at all, he just wanted to tease her.

"Whatever.” Eudora looks at his drink, and to make small talk, asks. “What're you drinking?"

"Yup." Diego replies.

"What?” Eudora narrows her eyes.

"Oh, I don't know." Diego admits. "I-I couldn't hear you."

"So you just laughed and said, 'Yup'?" Eudora snorts. "Later, Hargreeves." She walks away from him.

Diego watches her leave. Five walks past him. “You struck out. Meet in the attic in five minutes."

XXX

Allison debriefs the rest of her siblings and is about to plan out things to say to the couple, when Dave enters the attic. "Klaus is working on his dress so he sent me with talking cards. Okay, so everyone present is aware of the ceremony?"

Everyone nods. "So happy for you guys!" Vanya says. Allison gives her an exasperated look.

"Thank you, Vanya!" Dave smiles at her and looks at his cards. "'Okay, so obviously, even if we can't surprise you anymore, you guys can be our groomsmen and woman! Yeah!'" He reads stiffly.

"I'm the best man though?" Ben asks.

"Ben!" Allison scolds as Dave looks through the cards for a response.

"’Of course! No offense to you sibs, but obviously I give the most amazing sibling here the best position!’” Dave reads from the cards in a monotone but excited voice with a laugh. "You get drunk."

"That is literally impossible."

"Make speeches."

"Not much of a public speaker."

"Make love to the prettiest bridesmaid."

"Absolutely not."

"Yeah.... wait the bridesmaids consist of my elderly sisters. And your thirty year old sisters... stay away from them."

Allison huffs. Okay, interventions? Not for the Hargreeves. Christ, she misses Rumoring people.

XXX

"Look. I know I can't tell you what to do. I know it doesn't work... from all the times I've tried to tell you what to do without a Rumor. But you know what would be fun? A pros and cons list! And we can glittery, like when we were kids. Let's go to a crafts store, and we can do it together, at the crafts store. It'll be so fun."

"Ally! Relax." Klaus turns to her, calmly.

"You relax! You relax all the way ho- to Diego's apartment, and go to sleep on his couch. You need to go to sleep."

Dave peeks in on the bathroom just then. "Kla-aus! Hi." He smiles at her and she smiles back, half-heartedly. "What's your middle name? Pogo needs to know."

"You don't know each other's middle names?" Allison sighs.

"I don't have one, Klaus isn't even my legal name. My birth certificate reads '0.04 Hargreeves.' Pogo had them all framed." He sighs affectionately. "But I don't wanna get married under that."

"Well, I guess we can just put that on the documents and have the minister monkey use your real name, but we need to think of a middle name for you."

"Oooooh! I have an idea! But I want that to at least be a surprise, so don't say it out loud!" Klaus walks up to him and whispers it in Dave's ear. Dave's smile fades.

"Really?" He blinks.

"Yes." Klaus says confidently.

"Are you sure?"

Klaus whispers more in his ear and Dave stumbles away. "Both!" Klaus calls after him. "He's such a loser! Can't believe I'm marrying him." He resumes fixing the neckline on his dress in the mirror.

"You don't have to."

"I'm going to. And then I'm gonna divorce him." Klaus says excitedly. "Then I'm gonna marry him again, and we get to do this day all over again!"

"That's just what we need." Allison mutters before raising her head. "Look, I met Patrick on the set of that Civil War romance movie and fell madly in love within six months. It ended with me losing a year of my little girl's life!" She says sadly. "And a divorce." She adds as a second thought.

"Yeah, but me and Dave actually lo-" Klaus trails off, recognizing his error. “I mean...”

Allison stares at him shocked for a second, glaring at him, before running out.

You know what? Fine! If Klaus wants to throw himself headfirst into a marriage, he could deal with the crash himself.

XXX

"Look, I don't have any brothers, and my nephew lives in Canada and thought my sister was developing this thing called 'Alzheimer's' when she told him about me, so...." Dave drawls. "Diego, I know you've threatened me at least forty times, but it's because you want Klaus to be safe. And I want Klaus to be safe. Will you be our best man?"

Diego stares at him for a long second. "Okay."

"Great!" Dave smiles, except then Diego throws a knife from behind his back, landing next to Dave's head.

"You say or do anything to hurt him on that altar, and I will send it threw your eye in five seconds. Don't even try to get away with a happy surprise, you will die." Diego growls.

Dave opens his mouth and closes it again, before turning to Five. "Five, you're kinda the reason we met in the first place."

"That is not what happened." Five shakes his head.

"It kinda was." Dave nods, smiling like a doofus. "So will you be our best man?"

Five sighs. "Why not? I'd be honored, Son."

"Luther, you.... have.... Klaus says you care in your own way, will you be our best man?"

"Uh, um.... yeah."

"Hey, Ally, would Claire be the flower girl?" Dave asks Allison as she stalks by.

"Screw Klaus and screw this wedding, but Claire will most definitely be the flower girl."

Ben watches the scene unfold in silent disbelief. So... all his brothers are Klaus's best man. At his wedding. At the wedding of his best friend, whose side he never left for twelve years. But that's fine, it's not a competition. Besides, he's clearly already the best best man.

“Now, Klaus has prepared some pre-wedding activities for a best man to-“

Ben immediately grabs the card Dave was holding up and jumps up on top of one of the love seats. "Excuse me! Excuse me, uh, um. Are there any strippers here?" He pauses just now realizing what he said.

Vanya and Five look on at the scene. "Aw, Ben's jealous." Vanya murmurs with a fond smile. "That's adorable!"

"How the hell is Dave okay with marrying someone with half a brain cell?" Five deadpans.

Ben steps down mortified, " I don't want to talk about it.”

“Look, Ben, don’t worry... uh...” Dave looks through his many cards. “‘Oh, Ben,” Dave reads stiffly, lacking any sense of emotion “you're too beautiful to be a good public speaker. It's not your fault, you've never had to compensate for anything. The rest of you ugly nerds need to throw an impromptu Bachelor Party, stat.’”

"The wedding's in four minutes." Five rolls his eyes. "And I'm pretty sure his entire of adult life leading up to his service in the war can count as a decade long Bachelor Party."

"You know, it's talk like that that makes you lesser best man than me." Ben huffs and leaves.

"That is so sweet." Vanya says in his wake.

XXX

"Psst! Luther!" He turns to find Klaus gesturing at him to come closer from the bathroom door.

"Okay, I don't trust you to make a spectacular toast, so I've pre-written several jokes for you to potentially tell at a Klaus wedding. Read from these."

"Oh. Okay, uh, is anyone else getting reading cards?"

"No. Read."

"When I heard Klaus was getting married, I was like, 'to Dave Katz, or to a box of cats?'" He says stiffly, as though literally made of a wooden plank.

"Ugh, horrible delivery! Try again." Klaus, who honestly just wants to hear Luther say stupid stuff, demands.

"You ever hear Klaus talk about Dave's- I'm not saying that Klaus."

"It is my wedding day." Klaus reminds him. "I would say it if it was _your_ wedding."

"I would never want-"

"Say it!”

"You ever hear Klaus talk about Dave's butt?" Luther reads blandly. "I'm like, 'Damn, boy, you mad sweet on that back meat.'"

"You're murdering my beautiful words!" Klaus yells, despite only writing that to hear Luther say it at all. "Were you raised in the woods? Like Nell? From the movie Nell? Do you even wanna kill at this wedding?"

"I just want you to have a happy wedding. And for your husband have an actual reason for wanting me to be one of your guy’s best man. I'm sorry. I-"

"No, no. It's my own fault for believing in you." Klaus huffs and slams the door in Luther's face.

Luther blinks before turning to leave.

"Wait, don't go yet!" Klaus says, opening the door again. "I think I did a Klaus thing and made Allison mad at me. I know that normally you guys are like, 'whatever, Klaus' by the next time you see me, but I _really_ don't want that on my wedding day. So talk to her. Please? Thanks. Love you! Just don't make a speech."

XXX

If Klaus wants to come up too fast when scuba diving, he deals with the bends by himself. Allison sighs to herself. She was running out of analogies. To get her mind off things, she observes as one of the guests tries to handle a conversation with Klaus's Orin friend.

"No, I don't know how I'm going to die." The poor girl sighs frustrated, but then looks up with narrowed eyes. "Wait, are you asking or telling?"

"Hey, Eudora." Diego walks up to her.

"Hargreeves?" The sides Eudora's mouth fidget. "Where've you been? Is there a decent party upstairs?"

Diego smirks. "Yeah, no.... Klaus and Dave are getting married."

"Wow. My brita filter is older than their relationship." Eudora deadpans. "Wait, should I change my brita filter?"

"I don't know, depends how frequently you use it." Diego says casually, and Allison can't believe that they could just be so casual about two boneheads, whom Allison loves dearly, sacrificing their future because they didn't think things through. How is she the only one concerned about this?

"Attention everybody!" Allison and everyone around her turns to Dave standing on a chair. "Madames and Mis.... Wahs. If you would do me the obligation of having your honor.... heretofore.... in the upstairs doth right over there, hence." All the guests and all the Hargreeves stared at him in bewilderment.

Finally, Diego broke the silence. "What the fuck did you just say to me!?"

"I'm sorry, I just keep reading from these stupid cards." Dave finally tosses the cards. "Everybody follow me upstairs, big event!"

"Oh my God, this is actually happening." Allison murmurs to herself.

Okay. Okay, she loves my brother. She wants him to be happy. She wants him and Dave to be together forever and ever. And that is why she _needs_ to stop their wedding.

XXX

After Dave leads the party guests to an extremely large, vacant room, where arrays of chairs were lined up accordingly, he stands under the canopy and says to the crowd;

"Hello! Remember how I told you guys there was going to be a surprise? Well..." The crowd looks on in anticipation. "You're not actually at a dinner party. You are at our wedding."

The crowd gasps as Dave smiles dumbly, and many break into applause, but all that matters to Dave is his ninety year old mother's surprised face breaking into a beautiful, toothless smile. "All right, lets do this!" He says and then Dave's sister comes up and gives him a big hug. Allison doesn’t feel jealous.

Soul Kitchen by The Doors starts playing. Odd choice but, that's not what matters. What matters is.... is Claire in the adorable party dress Allison put her in, walking down the aisle, throwing out daisy pedals from the garden. Klaus enters the room and walks with Mom on his arm. He really did get the Ben Hargreeves of wedding dresses. He wore a birdcage veil in his hair, a ridiculously fluffy princess skirt, and a sweetheart neckline. Allison regrets not asking where he got it before the ceremony.

"I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight, and I have already broken that promise five times. But I will not break it a sixth." Ben whispers.

"But you're Number Six." Luther says quietly, putting a gentle hand on his once lost brother's shoulders. "Let it out buddy."

"Ladies and gentlemen." Pogo begins. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Dave Roberto Katz and Klaus The Fear Hargreeves." His siblings exchange confused looks.

"Dave, my entire life, I guess most things I had to pretend didn't hurt me. But I never really _seemed_ " Klaus's voice breaks "to have to pretend with you. Ever. About anything. I told you I saw dead people. You believed me. I told you I was from the future. You believed me. I was gonna open a briefcase and take you to the future, where we _could_ get married. _You believed me._ ” Klaus starts gasping and hiccuping, trying to get his breathing under control. “Seriously, you should probably be concerned, there are a lot of scammers in the future, Babe. And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. _Is that okay_?" He says, voice laced with emotion.

Dave breathes an almost inaudible, "Yes."

"Klaus, from the day you randomly dropped out of thin air at Shau Valley, I knew you were the most amazing person I could ever meet. I vow to always protect you. From danger. Even if I have to fight the entire enemy squadron, or a bear, or former dealers, or him," Dave points at a surprised Pogo. "Or your dad. Oh my God, I would take your dad down."

"Dave." Klaus breathes like a prayer.

"I'm getting mad right now, just thinking about it. I could do it, too I've already had to barely survive losing several cage matches with Diego after he met me. Thirteen to be exact."

"It's okay." The joy and happiness on Klaus's face was so evident and more profound than anyone could ever remember him being.

"I want to spend the rest of my- suddenly extended- life with you. Every minute. And I'm the luckiest soldier in the front lines."

"And now the rings." Five hands them to Pogo, not even rolling his eyes at being degraded to ring bearer. Though no one notices Ben's exasperated expression. "By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and husband." The crowd breaks into applause as Klaus and Dave start kissing.

Allison smiles.

The moment is ruined by the men hired by Klaus throwing a dead dove into the floor.

"Alright, so that one is dead, we know that."

XXX

Diego kills on the dance floor. Even Dave's mom is into it. And Allison sits alone on the steps, her daughter sleeping on her lap.

Luther walks up to her. "You wouldn't have been able to stop it, you know"

"I could've yelled or tackled something or someone." Allison jokes.

"And you also could've Rumored someone." Luther says and Allison tightens her grip on her daughter. "But you didn't because deep down, you knew that it's Klaus and someone who would fall in love with Klaus. They were always gonna do what they want to do."

Allison hides her face in the palms of her hands. "They may have just ruined their lives on an impulse."

"Allison, there was no reason your marriage shouldn't have worked out." Luther says.

"I was Rumoring our daughter!" Allison yells.

"Was that all?" Luther asks.

Allison is quiet for a second. ".... No."

"Who's to say what works? Maybe all you have to do is find someone you wanna be with... and roll the dice.” Luther says, staring longingly at her beautiful face.

"You're right. All anyone can do is roll the dice. And if it doesn't work out, I can at least teach Klaus how to burn an effigy."

Luther blinks at her.

"Don't ask."

XXX

"Klaus is a complete moron, but Dave is somewhat likable. I guess I can understand their compatibility. Also if anyone finds my gray coffee mug, I lost it, thanks." Five says, before returning to the crowd.

Klaus stops him and wraps his arms around the thirteen year old-old man, wiping tears from his eyes. Five does not hug back, and shows no emotion whatsoever, but he does allow the show of affection, which was telling in itself. "That was beautiful."

Dave's mother approaches the microphone. "Oh, Davey, you two remind me of me and Dave's late father, George, who would've been so happy to see Dave alive and happy, despite his raging homophobia."

Ben has to nail the speech. This is all he has left.

"I wish you the best of luck!"

"Oh! Mom!" Dave hugs the bony old woman to his chest. "How could anyone possibly compete with that?" The crowd laughs. "So thank you all for all the talking. But let's get back to dancing!"

The crowd cheers and Ben throws his speech cards to the ground.

XXX

"Okay, so I kinda cried my way out of saying everything I wanted to go over during my vows. So I just want to thank my friends, and Dave's super nice family, and my family, but most importantly, my best best man, Ben, who has stuck by me at the lowest of my lows. Not that he had a choice. But honestly, if there was one single perfect person in this world, it would be Ben.” Klaus and Ben make eye contact, and they both smile.

Did he just get a wedding toast from the groom? He is a terrible best man.

“Anyways, oh my God, I'm married! I never been dreamed of being married! At least, not since I was, like eleven. This so crazy, what happened? According to the 21st century, I was a drug addict last year! But, hey, life is short. So just do whatever makes you happy, and stop lying to yourself, it's not drugs. Dave makes me happy! And in love. So we didn't overthink it. Seriously, I cannot emphasize how little thought we put into this. Anyway, my sister! Vanya Hargreeves, everyone!"

With that, violin music filled the house, amplified by Vanya's powers. Klaus and Grace begin dancing, as do Dave and his mother. Five and Dolores slow dance beautifully, as Luther and Ben offer to dance with Dave's elderly sisters, while Diego lucks out and got Allison. Eudora watches him with his sister with a smile on her face.

XXX

"Exactly. Mortality. See, I like to take each day at a time. There's nothing in the world we can't accomplish if we try." Dave says, too bubbly to describe.

"I have to go." Orin whispers and quickly leaves.

XXX

"Hey, what's the deal with that hot guy. Klaus." An animal control guy asks Eudora.

"What's the deal with him?” Eudora repeats, hoping-no praying, she misunderstood.

"Yeah, he good to go? Down to clown?" The guy points to something under the table. Eudora didn’t need to be promoted to detective to figure what it was.

"He's married.” Eudora deadpans. “He just got married twenty minutes ago. And he hired you for the service. For some reason."

"Oh, my God. That's the same guy from the thing." The guy says, dazedly.

Eudora nods, incredulous. "From the wedding ceremony, yeah."

"All the good ones are taken, huh?"

Eudora eyes Diego across the room. "Not all of them."

XXX

The guests leave, and the family is tired.

"Hey." Klaus says as he approaches Allison when she comes back down from checking on Claire, who was out like the light she is.

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna say another word. This is your day." Allison offers him a smile.

"I just wanted to say that..... I'm really glad you stayed, I think you're fucking awesome, and I love you." Klaus smiles in return.

“Klaus.” Allison wraps her arms around her brother. “I love you, too.” Klaus hugs back. She smiles at him when they part, then drags him to the living room, where Dave and their other siblings were resting.

“Okay, I didn’t make a speech at the party, so I’d like to make one now.” She announces. They all sigh, but don’t object.

"My marriage and romantic life has been a bit of a failure. And honestly, I blame our childhood. So. when that's the case, it's hard not to be cynical about love and relationships when you're a Hargreeves." Allison says, and Diego and Vanya nod. "But it's couples like you that give hope to rest of us. Klaus, you deserve the best, and you found it. Dave, don't you dare hurt him."

Everyone laughs, including Dave. "I won't."

"Don't laugh she means it." Luther’s serious tone and straight expression, cutting off Dave's light-hearted mood quite suddenly.

"I-I won't." He stutters, confused by the sudden seriousness.

"Seriously, Son, don't hurt him." Five warns as he looks up at him, coffee in hand. He looks almost casual, and yet his eyes give away his promises of utter bloodshed.

"Okay, I'm not planning on hurting him." Dave insists. What was happening?

"You better not be." Vanya nods along with her siblings. Dave looks to Klaus, helpless. Klaus just gives him a wordless shrug as he focuses on his family with an almost touched look of surprise coloring his features.

"I'm not!" Dave promises.

"Look, Dave, just- just watch yourself." Diego glares daggers at him, bringing his middle and pointer fingers to his eyes and roughly turns them to Dave. "Because I am watching too."

"Why would any of you think I would hurt Klaus? You're all my friends too!"

"We are. And friendship is a beautiful thing." Ben assures him. "A beautiful thing that will be thrown out a four-story window and set on fire, _if you hurt him_. Four for Klaus.”

"Four hundred story." Diego corrects in a low voice. Dave looks at his in-laws, incredulous that they would think he would ever hurt Klaus and not hurt himself ten thousand-fold in return.

"Aw! Guys!" Klaus says, hands over his heart and a giant grin on his face. "Group hug!"

"No!"

"Absolutely not!"

"Bye losers!"

And then they had a group hug. Dave included. And lost somewhere in the mismatched limbs of the Hargreeves family, Dave wonders to himself, _‘What did I marry into?'_

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think about the characters, because I wanted them to be mostly their Umbrella Academy selves. Telling Parks and Recs jokes. Someday I might wanna do this again, so feedback is appreciated.


End file.
